Diary 21/04/2021

 Well, it's 15 minutes before an online class and I thought this as a time-killer. So, I wanna talk about yesterday. I made a time schedule for myself and I felt that schedule is so stiff and very idealistic. I felt like I should extend my sleeping time, I really need a motivation to wake up in the morning like in the schedule I made. Anyway, it was my birthday yesterday. I wanted to ramble a lot. But, I kinda forgot what I wanna write about. Probably something like, I felt I need time for myself 'cuz a lot of people be like are you celebrating with the others and I was like huh? I just wanna treat myself better aka let me sleep. And yeah I did slept and truthfully it wasnt the best sleep but at least I got some time for myself. And yeah I wanted to go out so much, it was very sunny yesterday, perfect for a walk. But, I kinda wavered between sleeping or have a date with myself, but yes as I mentioned it bfr, I slept. 

Tho I felt everyone I love actually cares about me (to some extent I guess and it depends on our relationship), I felt warm and grateful. Thank you everyone.

But the thing is I hate phone notification and I felt obliged to reply them. Well, no shit sherlock. Anyway, I felt grateful and at the same time annoyed. But, I thought again what was so special about that day(yesterday) anyway? Oh, probably the 20th mark of my struggle in this world and the hard-evidence that I am still living and you know that I managed to stay alive kind of thingy. Yes, it isnt the best answer someone can give, but thats mine. And I felt that is the correct in my own case. And anyway, I thought about giving myself a treat (not sleep, okay) like a cake or smth. But I slept away thru the evening and it was very late when I woke up. I rethought everything, should I bet on my luck to see if  the delicious cake shop near the station is still open at this hour? The answer is nope I didnt even bother to entertain the suggestion a second thought.

Anyway, this dairy is about me sleeping and missing alot of things but I cleaned my apartment bfr I slept so I did two things yesterday, the two things I loved. Anyway, happpy birthday myself lol 

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